“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” (Proverbs 14:1-4, NASB)

There is an old saying that behind every successful man is a great woman. This saying gained popularity in the mid-20th century. At a time when women were often excluded from formal work and leadership roles, their influence was often measured by their husbands’ achievements. The phrase acknowledged women’s role in major accomplishments. Behind many well-known men—from politicians to inventors—were women who edited speeches, managed finances, and sustained the relationships that supported their success. As I read today’s passage, I saw a similar idea expressed, but I would change the words of the popular saying to “behind every successful man is a wise woman.” It says,

“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands. He who walks in his uprightness fears the LORD, but he who is crooked in his ways despises Him. In the mouth of the foolish is a rod for his back, but the lips of the wise will preserve them. Where no oxen are, the manger is clean, but much increase comes by the strength of the ox.”

It shows that a woman has a lot of power and influence in her home. Her choices can either help her family succeed or cause them to fail. In the days of Solomon, the roles of man and woman in the family were pretty clear as they were determined by physical strength, societal pressure, religious norms, and cultural patterns. This was especially true for the Israelites, as the Scriptures outlined who and what they were supposed to be. Genesis chapter 2 provides the reasoning behind God’s creation of man and woman. He created them, placed them in the world He created, and commanded them “to cultivate it and keep it” (Gen.2:15). He created Adam first, and fashioned Eve from the rib which He had taken from him, with the idea, “I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Gen.2:18). The word “helper” does not imply superiority or inferiority. They were both created by God and had the same biological makeup, but they were given different and distinct roles and purposes. Out of all the uses of the word “helper,” more than half were used in reference to God as Helper. For example, in Psalm 54:4, the psalmist said, “Behold, God is my helper; The Lord is the sustainer of my soul.” Again, Psalm 121:1-2 says, “I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from whence shall my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.” We would not interpret this to mean that God is inferior to us, would we?

So, what was the role of the “wise woman” in her house? How can she build her house so that her family would experience peace, nurture, and renewal to fight another fight the next day? To “build” a house means to work hard, day after day, with a clear plan. You also need a good blueprint to build a house, and God provides one in His Word. Jesus said, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine, and acts upon them, may be compared to a wise man, who built his house upon the rock” (Mt.7:24). The world outside can be hard and stressful for everyone. When family members come home to a peaceful and loving environment, they can find the strength they need to face life’s challenges. By creating a strong and stable home, a wise woman will help her family to grow and succeed. On the other hand, a woman who is “foolish” will inevitably tear her home down, even the ones that are built strong. She does it with “her own hands.” She will predictably destroy her home with bad habits, constant complaining, arguing, criticizing, laziness, and neglect. Building something good will take time, but destroying it can happen very fast.

• What role do you think Solomon had in mind when he wrote of the “wise woman” and the “foolish woman”?
• What does it take to build a strong, peaceful, nurturing home?