In his book, His Needs, Her Needs, Will F. Harley discusses ways in which couples can identify each other’s most common needs and encourage them to commit to one another to meet them. These tools help couples keep love alive in a marriage relationship. These principles can help avoid common marriage problems stemming from miscommunication and misunderstanding. The book’s title, His Needs, Her Needs, implies that men and women are physically and emotionally different. Knowing the differences is the starting point, and committing to meeting each other’s needs is winning half the battle.

Here is a brief summary of the top five needs for women and men:

Her Needs:

1. Affection – A woman must feel cherished and loved by non-sexual and non-demanding touching, hugs, kisses. Husbands need to tell her how much he cares for her with steady flow of kind words, gifts, cards, flowers, or common courtesies.

2. Conversation – A woman connects with her man through mutual dialogue that involves good listening. Husbands must listen to and pay attention to her attitude about her day with interest and concern. His words must convey understanding and courage without being critical.

3. Honesty and Openness – A Woman needs honesty and openness in a relationship. Her husband can look into her eyes and tell her what he really thinks in a loving and caring manner. He explains his plans and actions clearly and thoroughly and makes himself accountable to her. He wants her to trust him and feel secure.

4. Financial Support – A woman needs to feel financially secure for herself and her family. Husbands should seek to provide financial security by actively being involved in the responsibilities to house, feed, and clothe their families. He sits down with his wife to determine how best to use their income better.

5. Family Commitment – A woman needs her man to actively support and nurture her and her children. Husbands must commit to their families by taking their role seriously and prioritizing it. They commit their time and energy to lead in the biblical areas of their children’s spiritual, physical, and mental development.

His Needs:

1. Sexual Fulfillment – A man feels emotionally close to his wife when they have regular physical intimacy. Wives need to recognize and understand that their sexual drive and physical needs may be more than hers. His sexual contentment affects his thinking and stress level and helps him combat temptation. Remember, ladies, that you are the only one in the whole world who can fulfill his sexual needs according to God’s will.

2. Recreational Companionship – A man tends to connect through activities such as games, outdoor activities, sports, movies, traveling, etc. Wives can provide companionship by developing mutual interests with their husbands. Sharing hobbies and interests can build friendship and camaraderie. Wives can work on engaging in their husbands’ interests or find new activities they can enjoy together. This shared time strengthens the emotional bond and creates shared memories and experiences.

3. Admiration – A man needs to feel respected and admired and feel you have faith in him. Wives can nurture this need by expressing genuine appreciation for their husbands’ efforts and achievements, both big and small. Regular compliments, expressions of gratitude, and positive affirmations can go a long way in reinforcing a man’s sense of value and importance within the marriage.

4. Domestic Support – A harmonious and well-managed home environment can contribute to a man’s sense of well-being. Domestic support begins with a peaceful home without someone attacking, criticizing, and complaining. Remember, the Bible says that men would rather “live in a corner of a roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman” (Prov.21:9). Wives can meet this need by honoring and accepting their space. Wives can also create a nurturing and orderly home environment. It doesn’t mean they take sole responsibility for all domestic tasks. Collaborating to maintain a comfortable, stress-free home can be immensely satisfying for both partners.

5. An Attractive Spouse – Many men express a need for their wives to maintain particular physical attractiveness. While this may seem superficial, it often ties into a deeper need for pride and admiration within the relationship. Wives can strive to stay healthy and well-groomed, not out of obligation, but as an expression of ongoing care and love for their partners. It’s about making an effort to feel and look good for themselves in a way that keeps the spark alive in the relationship.