In my opinion, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ teaching on Love and Respect in marriage hits the nail perfectly on what it means to have an effective biblical marriage. Over the years, I have read, attended, and studied many teachings on marriage from secular teachings such as Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus to Christian teachings such as Five Languages of Love, and so on. I believe that they all provide some good insights on how to have a sound and healthy marriage relationships, but the principle of love and respect is spot on biblically.

“Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.” (Eph.5:33)

My wife and I have read Dr. Eggerichs’ books and even attended his seminars, and must confess that we were blown away by it. Since then we have tried to apply those principles, and have seen much improvements in our relationship and helped others with them. The video here is a small sample of his teaching as recorded at Saddleback Church. For a more deeper examination, I suggest you read his book, view his teaching on YouTube, or attend one of his live seminars.

Here is a quick summary of his teaching on Love and Respect in marriage:

We can see that marriage and family were God’s design from the beginning. This was the first institution that He established right after the creation of the world, and blessed the first couple to take care of His created world. However, this perfect design for marriage was quickly distorted as sin entered in the world, and we have been handed down a perverted versions of it. We can see its consequences through out history and we can even see it in our own relationships. Bible teaches, “But if you should marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin should marry, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you” (1 Cor.7:28). Yes, getting married is a good thing but Paul warns us that we will encounter “trouble” in life. According to Dr. Eggerichs, it comes as a result of our differences in the way God created male and female. God created men to speak the language of respect and women with the language of love. As a result, we are caught up in a “Crazy Cycle” when we don’t decode each other’s language.

However, when we seek to live biblically from God’s teaching, we are able to realize that our husbands and wives are not evil but good willed people who just don’t know how to speak other’s language. When we seek to apply the love and respect principle as taught in the Bible, we are then able to enter into a “Energizing Cycle,” where one motivates the other to build each other up. In his book, Dr. Eggerichs suggests several ways for couples to practically show what it means to love and respect one another using the acronyms “C-O-U-P-L-E” AND “C-H-A-I-R-S.”

Finally, Dr. Eggerichs advocates for the ultimate love and respect marriage relationship where the couple reflects the nature and character of God. This is called the “Rewarded Cycle” where the husband learns to love his wife and the wife respects her husband unconditionally. This kind of love and respect is not about one motivating each other to do it but doing it regardless of what the other person does. This is where we begin to imitate Christ and his character.

Can you imagine what our marriage relationship would be like if we can practice unconditional love and unconditional respect toward one another? Can you imagine what our children will learn from us if we were to model such relationships? Can you imagine what our churches would be like if Christians practiced such principles in our families? Can you imagine what kind of testimonies Christians and churches would give to our world if we were to love and respect one another?